- A relationship becomes rocky when one of them wants to settle and the other one doesn’t seem to agree
- Communication is important in any type of relationship
- #AskRisha offers advice on the issue
Good Day po!!! Hingi lng po aq ng advice. Tungkol po ito sa co-teacher ko na gusto na po mag settle down pero parang walang plano ung bf nya. Laging may excuses twing ng oopen up tungkol sa marriage ang friend ko. Ano po ang gagawin nya? Dapat bng ipagpatuloy pa ang relationship nla?
[Good Day! I would like to ask for advice. It’s about a co-teacher that I have who wants to settle down. However, it seems that her boyfriend does not have any plans on it. He always has excuses whenever my friend brings up marriage. What should she do? Should they continue their relationship?]
Hey, and thanks for reaching out.
I think the relationship shouldn’t end so drastically because the boyfriend keeps on dodging questions about marriage. But also, a relationship is a two-way street, and a good way to know what each other is thinking about is through proper communication.
Communication is a vital part in a relationship. In order for any relationship to work, romantic or platonic, we need to effectively express what we think or feel.
They should talk it over how they want to proceed in the relationship. They have to be willing to understand what their partner feels about it. Your friend should express her feelings about marriage clearly to her boyfriend. Likewise, her boyfriend should also be honest and upfront about his reservations.
It is also important to note that listening to what the other person has to say is equally important to being able to express how they feel about a certain topic, especially something as binding as marriage.
But it’s not just plain old listening that’s required. It’s called active listening, something so much more than not talking. It’s an art which requires a genuine interest in the other people. A curiosity, an open mind on what the other person has to say.
Active listening involves showing the other person your interest via non-verbal communication, no judgement or anticipating what they would have to say, or being patient when they become silent during the conversation.
I know it’s a hard thing to do to engage in communication, and the topic isn’t the easiest thing to talk about either. It leaves you vulnerable to the other person, and it could be very scary. The trust should be there, but since this is the person your friend wants to marry, I’m assuming she’d be willing to talk it out with him. They could sort this out together.
All the best,
Write your letters and find insights from our Lifestyle editor, Ms Risha. Her e-mail is firstname.lastname@example.org.